DoorKnockerBlockers™
knockknock@doorknockerblockers.com
Priority drops to your door first
Just cancel our ass if we fail to amuse
You're first in line if we sell them as NFTs
Three of the Very Best Roasts Delivered to Your Doorstep ... Monthly??
Yep, pre-release, fresh off the press
The ones which are getting the most juice online
Without your having to chase 'em down
(for a one-time annual payment of $99)
"It's hard to explain the perverse joy I get from these on a monthly basis"
"I'm supposed to write an endorsement for these? It's hard to explain the perverse joy I get from these on a monthly basis ... and I'm not even anti-solar!"
- SOMEONE YOU'D ASK OUT TO DINNER
AS SEEN ON
Like a wine-of-the-month-club, only 'whine-ier'
Rare, boutique, vintage delivered to your door, monthly
Roll the dice with surprise monthly arrivals
OR ... pre-select from our ever-growing collection
OR ... design your own with our DKB template !
smile, life just got better
Imagine how you'll feel receiving these on a monthly basis
Either like a borderline sociopath... or part of something bigger...
Amuse and antagonize your solar sales solicitors
Pass them off as party favors at the local barbecue
Offer them as rewards for drinking games like beer pong
(for a one-time annual payment of $99)
WHY WE'RE DIFFERENT
Changing lives, one smile at a time.
Made w. Love & Vinegar
We're taking the piss, but just like the old days, this urine's medicinal!
A Holistic Look at Life
Nobody likes being moralized to, but everyone likes a good roast !
Redefining Antagonism
We're redirecting our rabble-rousing nature to a good cause !
Strength in Vulnerability
Even if you're offended by this shtick, it's okay. Let 'em take their shots. It'll only make you stronger !
Wait.. you're a Solar Company??
... don't tell nobody.
But will taking the temperature down on solar cause more of it to happen..? Let's just call it a social experiment.
Based Upon Proven Protocols
Sheeeeeeeeeeeet, mama!! Ain't nothing proven about this. That's crazy talk !
(for a one-time annual payment of $99)
TESTIMONIALS
Why others love Door Knocker Blockers™
"So they were like knocking & knocking, and then they weren't ... and I was like, 'hell-to-the-yeah, man'."
- Dallas Francisco
"It's like a physical AD BLOCKER for your front door step ... which come on ... tell me that's not kick-A?!"
- Elizabeth Henderson
"Saves me from having to cuss out those poor solar guys. They really deserve better than that."
- Charleston Roswell
"How many solar sales guys does it take to screw in a light bulb, indeed ... that is the question."
- Charlotte Dayton
"It's like outsourcing your passive aggressiveness to a third-party service provider, without having to get your hands dirty!"
- Brighton Hartford
"Honestly, not so good at saying no ... and definitely not the best at comebacks ... problem solved! Thanks, Door Knocker Blockers!!"
- Orlando Evanston
"I've calculated the value of time saved on useless conversations vs the cost of my DKB acquisitions. The ROI on this transaction is truly astounding."
- Alexandria Prescott
"I believe I can state that the marginal utility of the Door Knocker Blocker campaign offsets its largely dissonant underpinnings."
- Dover Telluride
FREE BONUS WHEN YOU ORDER TODAY
Free membership included:
We still gotta build it, but you're invited
(that's right, we are going to make a private community outta this)
A BACKSTAGE PASS BEHIND the Curtain
Instant Community
Just add DKBs™ !
Even we didn't think we'd go there, but it kinda makes sense...
Discover other like-minded people who don't take life too seriously
Learn their user journey and origin story
Do weird social shit with them and then tell us about it (because now, that's funny!
)
YOU still here?
HOW ABOUT A PRo tip?
You can actually cancel after month one !
(then again, someone is gonna meet their significant other through all this ... now how can you put a price on that?)
(for a one-time annual payment of $99)
Copyright 2023 | The Great Solar Roast™ | All Rights Reserved