DoorKnockerBlockers™

knockknock@doorknockerblockers.com

Priority drops to your door first

Just cancel our ass if we fail to amuse

You're first in line if we sell them as NFTs

Three of the Very Best Roasts Delivered to Your Doorstep ... Monthly??

  • Yep, pre-release, fresh off the press

  • The ones which are getting the most juice online

  • Without your having to chase 'em down

(for a one-time annual payment of $99)

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"It's hard to explain the perverse joy I get from these on a monthly basis"

"I'm supposed to write an endorsement for these? It's hard to explain the perverse joy I get from these on a monthly basis ... and I'm not even anti-solar!"

- SOMEONE YOU'D ASK OUT TO DINNER

AS SEEN ON

Like a wine-of-the-month-club, only 'whine-ier'

Rare, boutique, vintage delivered to your door, monthly

  • Roll the dice with surprise monthly arrivals

  • OR ... pre-select from our ever-growing collection

  • OR ... design your own with our DKB template !

smile, life just got better

Imagine how you'll feel receiving these on a monthly basis

Either like a borderline sociopath... or part of something bigger...

  • Amuse and antagonize your solar sales solicitors

  • Pass them off as party favors at the local barbecue

  • Offer them as rewards for drinking games like beer pong

(for a one-time annual payment of $99)

WHY WE'RE DIFFERENT

Changing lives, one smile at a time.

Made w. Love & Vinegar

We're taking the piss, but just like the old days, this urine's medicinal!

A Holistic Look at Life

Nobody likes being moralized to, but everyone likes a good roast !

Redefining Antagonism

We're redirecting our rabble-rousing nature to a good cause !

Strength in Vulnerability

Even if you're offended by this shtick, it's okay. Let 'em take their shots. It'll only make you stronger !

Wait.. you're a Solar Company??

... don't tell nobody.

But will taking the temperature down on solar cause more of it to happen..? Let's just call it a social experiment ;)

Based Upon Proven Protocols

Sheeeeeeeeeeeet, mama!! Ain't nothing proven about this. That's crazy talk !

(for a one-time annual payment of $99)

TESTIMONIALS

Why others love Door Knocker Blockers™

"So they were like knocking & knocking, and then they weren't ... and I was like, 'hell-to-the-yeah, man'."

- Dallas Francisco

"It's like a physical AD BLOCKER for your front door step ... which come on ... tell me that's not kick-A?!"

- Elizabeth Henderson

"Saves me from having to cuss out those poor solar guys. They really deserve better than that."

- Charleston Roswell

"How many solar sales guys does it take to screw in a light bulb, indeed ... that is the question."

- Charlotte Dayton

"It's like outsourcing your passive aggressiveness to a third-party service provider, without having to get your hands dirty!"

- Brighton Hartford

"Honestly, not so good at saying no ... and definitely not the best at comebacks ... problem solved! Thanks, Door Knocker Blockers!!"

- Orlando Evanston

"I've calculated the value of time saved on useless conversations vs the cost of my DKB acquisitions. The ROI on this transaction is truly astounding."

- Alexandria Prescott

"I believe I can state that the marginal utility of the Door Knocker Blocker campaign offsets its largely dissonant underpinnings."

- Dover Telluride

FREE BONUS WHEN YOU ORDER TODAY

Free membership included:

We still gotta build it, but you're invited

(that's right, we are going to make a private community outta this)

A BACKSTAGE PASS BEHIND the Curtain

Instant Community

Just add DKBs™ !

Even we didn't think we'd go there, but it kinda makes sense...

  • Discover other like-minded people who don't take life too seriously

  • Learn their user journey and origin story

  • Do weird social shit with them and then tell us about it (because now, that's funny!)

YOU still here?

HOW ABOUT A PRo tip?

You can actually cancel after month one !

(then again, someone is gonna meet their significant other through all this ... now how can you put a price on that?)

(for a one-time annual payment of $99)

Copyrights 2023 | The Great Solar Roast™ | All Rights Reserved